I thought I'd come on here to see my last post and get reinspired...would you know it I'm exactly the same weight as of this morning LOL. what are the odds. I'm a yo-yoer! I'm on Weight Watchers but I go down one week up the next which means I'm not following program! I'm good one week and then lose focus the next. My head is so not in the game. Between dance competitions for Becca and Kevin's schooling I havn't stuck to things for me. And there's no excuse I've had every opportunity and a very supportive family...so why have I not been able to do it? Beats me. For me this is all mental. I think I should see a shrink or something.
Actually I was doing really well until my mom said "what happened? I thought you were doing so well?" yep it still bugs me and that was over a month ago...I let it derail me but it's like I was waiting for something to happen for the excuse! NO EXCUSES!!!!! I did this.
I'm not promising a weight loss goal...it's a number...yes it makes me feel better when it's lower but that's all it is. My focus this week is to drink my water (been a difficult one for me), and walk 4 times this week 20 minutes minimum. Small steps right?! I also need to get back to journalling but I've been so bad at that...I don't want to promise I'll do it yet...let me get the water and some activity started this time.
Usually I'm an all or nothing person I start with grand plans and go great guns doing everything right but then I "fall off the wagon" when I don't do one step like journal or my water. Sooooo now we are all about easing into it...getting the small things to become habit again. I used to drink ocean's of water...now I'm back to diet pepsi (evil it is).
I found my cross stitch to work on while watching TV so I can work on curbing those evening snacks. Again small steps.
Water and 20 mins minimum 4 times this week...let's see how we do shall we?
Monday, April 25, 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Year same me but improved :)
So this isn't a New Year's resolution....this is a New Year Holy Shit how did I get this big again thing!!!! It's official...I'm just under 7 lbs from my highest weight ever!!!!!! I stepped on the scale this morning and uttered the words "HOLY SHIT". Our batteries dies in our scale and we bought new ones last week...it was a surprise but after an evening of entertaining and eating like a pig (you know the last hurrah) my scale reflected my lack of continuing my weight loss. Yes I fell off the wagon and in style at that!!! I went from working so hard to finally get to Onederland and back to 213.2!!! Can I say it again...wait let's try something new WTF!!! (any Modern Family fans...why the face LOL). So I have some new resolve. I know I'm not perfect and I will mess up but I need to lose weight. For my and for my family. I was putting off working out for a while because I was getting chest pains...but at my last physical my doctor said I'm as healthy as a horse...she didn't even bring up my weight until I did...but my heart is perfect (just muscle strain...many women get when they gain weight in the breast tissue (only good thing to weight gain in my books LOL)). So I have the go ahead to exerciise and it just comes down to me! I have to take it easy at first as I pulled a muscle in my hip the other week...but doc said start with whatever I can...even 12 minutes walking is better than nothing as she put it...and eventually I will crave more...which we all know is true. Kevin and I have both gained weight since July when let's be honest we just plain old stopped trying. But I'm sick of being tired all the time...and for vanity I just plain old hate being fat. So yet again...here is the plan:
1. we are discussing our weight loss system (weight watchers, going alone, etc).
2. empty the house of junk food (chips, candy, etc)...replaced with fruit and popcorn :)
3. drink a ton of water
4. exercise reintroduced to be up'd as time goes on
5. YOGA twice a week at least
6. weigh in ONCE a week...it's proven to work against you to look at the scale every day...you get complacent and think I can have that today because it's only day 2 and I'm down already...when you could be down sooo much more if you just don't step on the scale until weigh in day.
7. love myself mentally...this is the hardest part of weightloss for anyone that has been overweight for a long time. I will love me for me at this weight as I am...I will look in the mirror each morning and find something I love about myself. Finding negative about yourself will only feed the fat.
So that's it...I'm back on here and please just bear with me as I stumble through starting all over again.
Hope my girls are hovering on the blog...I'd love to hear how you are doing.
Today we will decide on our system...and I will empty the cupboards. Sadly the stores are closed today so the stocking up of good stuff will have to start tomorrow as will my official first weigh in.
1. we are discussing our weight loss system (weight watchers, going alone, etc).
2. empty the house of junk food (chips, candy, etc)...replaced with fruit and popcorn :)
3. drink a ton of water
4. exercise reintroduced to be up'd as time goes on
5. YOGA twice a week at least
6. weigh in ONCE a week...it's proven to work against you to look at the scale every day...you get complacent and think I can have that today because it's only day 2 and I'm down already...when you could be down sooo much more if you just don't step on the scale until weigh in day.
7. love myself mentally...this is the hardest part of weightloss for anyone that has been overweight for a long time. I will love me for me at this weight as I am...I will look in the mirror each morning and find something I love about myself. Finding negative about yourself will only feed the fat.
So that's it...I'm back on here and please just bear with me as I stumble through starting all over again.
Hope my girls are hovering on the blog...I'd love to hear how you are doing.
Today we will decide on our system...and I will empty the cupboards. Sadly the stores are closed today so the stocking up of good stuff will have to start tomorrow as will my official first weigh in.
Monday, July 19, 2010
So far so good
Well so far so good. Another weekend gone by with multiple visitors which means loads of crap in the house and me eating some of it...and I managed to lose over the weekend!!! Doing a little happy dance. I know it won't always be like that...but now that the pressure is off...it's just naturally happening...slowly but it's happening. I think Becca is enjoying things better as well as far as food goes LOL. We still make her eat her veggies, etc but it's not always healthy so it's not as big a deal. She's always been good about good food but she was starting to rebel cause she just wasn't having what kids want as much. It's still in moderation but not near as strict as it was. She's gained a little but we aren't making a big deal out of it. Just enjoying things. We are going camping this weekend and I'm really excited. We tried the bike rack on the new van and it fits :) So we are taking our bikes and I'm hoping we can rent a canoe while we are there. Either way there will be hiking and swimming and all that fun stuff...as long as the weather cooperates that is.
Haven't heard from the other Amigos in a while...anyone else want to blog a bit here or there?!?!!? hint hint
Haven't heard from the other Amigos in a while...anyone else want to blog a bit here or there?!?!!? hint hint
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
night snacks
Okay so I seem to be eating healthy and I've definitely been active...baseball and more baseball. My issue now is night snacking.
Yep...I eat well all day...If I want something not so healthy I eat it in moderation...and that's all under control. And I know I'd be losing weight if I just could control the night snacks. During the day no problem...night time...I'm eating too much. Like last night...I had tostitos...fine it has a LOT of sodium but I know to expect some water retention, etc but I didn't need to go back for another bowl!!! One bowl would have been fine...but I started to feel sick during the second bowl and I continued to eat instead of putting it aside! So in the middle of the night I was up all naseous (hey pepto bismol). I hadn't done that in a while...but I don't want to do that again...it felt awful. So much so that I couldn't eat breakfast this morning cause I still feel full. I brought a granola bar in case I get hungry this morning...I know breakfast is important and I always eat it...but this morning I just couldn't do it.
Night snacks should be limited...I can do this...once I figure this one out...my no diet plan will work! This is my weakness! I won't stop night snacking but I need to control it better. No point in working against my habits...just need to work with them and find a way to control the situation like I do during the day!
BTW...Loving my just live plan!!!! It's so liberating and free!
So sore from baseball two nights in a row but in a good way :)
Yep...I eat well all day...If I want something not so healthy I eat it in moderation...and that's all under control. And I know I'd be losing weight if I just could control the night snacks. During the day no problem...night time...I'm eating too much. Like last night...I had tostitos...fine it has a LOT of sodium but I know to expect some water retention, etc but I didn't need to go back for another bowl!!! One bowl would have been fine...but I started to feel sick during the second bowl and I continued to eat instead of putting it aside! So in the middle of the night I was up all naseous (hey pepto bismol). I hadn't done that in a while...but I don't want to do that again...it felt awful. So much so that I couldn't eat breakfast this morning cause I still feel full. I brought a granola bar in case I get hungry this morning...I know breakfast is important and I always eat it...but this morning I just couldn't do it.
Night snacks should be limited...I can do this...once I figure this one out...my no diet plan will work! This is my weakness! I won't stop night snacking but I need to control it better. No point in working against my habits...just need to work with them and find a way to control the situation like I do during the day!
BTW...Loving my just live plan!!!! It's so liberating and free!
So sore from baseball two nights in a row but in a good way :)
Thursday, July 8, 2010
what to say?!
What to say?! Usually I have no problem finding something to blog about...not much is going on. I've taken a more relaxed approach to everything. I quit WLW...I was too obsessed over it. I would check it constantly and honestly it was just a place for me to make excuses. To feel okay cause the other people on there would understand. Yes it was a source of inspiration...at first. After a while it was just a place for me to feel sorry for myself...and that's not what I want to do. I don't want to dwell on things. I just want to make them happen. So from now on I will only report what I deem worthy of blogging about. That means not being on here every day and just enjoying life with the family.
My friend Sara told me about her weight issues and how alot of it stemmed from watching her mom try to lose weight (half assed) her entire life. I don't want that for Becca. So I made a promise to myself (that's huge for me not to be taken lightly at all)...I promised myself that I wouldn't say I can't have that it's not on program in front of Becca. I want her to have a healthy relationship with food. So no more "programs" just us as a family making healthy decisions. If Becca wants a snack I will give her options healthy and not so healthy and she can choose what she thinks is the best thing to have...and you know what if she chooses a "bad" snack who cares I know she will choose the healthy ones as well...it's all about the balance. If I tell her she can't have something she'll just do what I do...want it more. So we will do the following:
1 Provide nutritious foods through out each day
2 Have veggies with lunch and dinner (most days)
3. Always have fruits and nuts available for snacks
4. Do something active each day
5. Wii fit Mon-Wed-Fri-Sat-Sun
6. Have fun and live life.
Life is not about a diet or food or any of this...it's about living and enjoying what you have while you have it.
We went out for dinner last night just Kevin and I...I had pasta...it was so yummy...and I didn't finish the whole plate...I ate about half of it and the chicken...and it felt nice. I didn't need anything more. It felt great and this morning I was down...go figure.
I realized that now that the pressure is gone it will just happen as it happens. I'm not going haywire and gorging...what I'm doing is having what I want and being conscious of what I'm putting in my mouth. Don't go overboard and don't go the extreme the other way either.
Next step is to get the supplements we need to ensure we are getting the proper nutrients and then that's it. Just LIVE! I think Becca will notice the difference too. I wasn't passing on the things mom's should pass on...like how to bake or just cooking in general...our palates became so boring. I'm really looking forward to just having a family meal of want we want rather than thinking about how to make it compliant to a program :) real foods cooked how we like it...and honestly other than our poor choices snacking we usually had healthy meals. When Kevin cooks it's always good. It's when we have take out that we fail :)
Time to live!
My friend Sara told me about her weight issues and how alot of it stemmed from watching her mom try to lose weight (half assed) her entire life. I don't want that for Becca. So I made a promise to myself (that's huge for me not to be taken lightly at all)...I promised myself that I wouldn't say I can't have that it's not on program in front of Becca. I want her to have a healthy relationship with food. So no more "programs" just us as a family making healthy decisions. If Becca wants a snack I will give her options healthy and not so healthy and she can choose what she thinks is the best thing to have...and you know what if she chooses a "bad" snack who cares I know she will choose the healthy ones as well...it's all about the balance. If I tell her she can't have something she'll just do what I do...want it more. So we will do the following:
1 Provide nutritious foods through out each day
2 Have veggies with lunch and dinner (most days)
3. Always have fruits and nuts available for snacks
4. Do something active each day
5. Wii fit Mon-Wed-Fri-Sat-Sun
6. Have fun and live life.
Life is not about a diet or food or any of this...it's about living and enjoying what you have while you have it.
We went out for dinner last night just Kevin and I...I had pasta...it was so yummy...and I didn't finish the whole plate...I ate about half of it and the chicken...and it felt nice. I didn't need anything more. It felt great and this morning I was down...go figure.
I realized that now that the pressure is gone it will just happen as it happens. I'm not going haywire and gorging...what I'm doing is having what I want and being conscious of what I'm putting in my mouth. Don't go overboard and don't go the extreme the other way either.
Next step is to get the supplements we need to ensure we are getting the proper nutrients and then that's it. Just LIVE! I think Becca will notice the difference too. I wasn't passing on the things mom's should pass on...like how to bake or just cooking in general...our palates became so boring. I'm really looking forward to just having a family meal of want we want rather than thinking about how to make it compliant to a program :) real foods cooked how we like it...and honestly other than our poor choices snacking we usually had healthy meals. When Kevin cooks it's always good. It's when we have take out that we fail :)
Time to live!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Baseball rocked!
Well we didn't win but I'm not sure how that happened.
We played amazing!!! I got home twice (ran my ass off)...although the second time doesn't count as we had 2 out and they got a runner out at second just as I crossed the finish line...I crossed and then I heard out at second...so that kinda sucks. I was breathless cause I ran hard and it didn't even count :( But it still felt great to not be out on my account.
Also our team got 2 double plays last night (better than my hubby's team ;) )! AND we mercied them in the second inning! We would have won if there was no mercy rule. We got our 7th run in and they called mercy as the other 3 people were on their way to home...it was well out there and it would have been awesome to count those other 3 runs...that and we mercied them with only 1 out that inning. We ended up losing 11-8. But as far as I'm concerned it was a great game! We had a blast. And the captain's hubby/boyfriend was there and he had us all doing the wave and cheering from the bench it was hilarious. Only 1 bad thing last night...the sheer amount of mosquitoes!!! We were batting in the outfields or at least it felt that way...swatting all the time.
Today it's raining and glum out but I'm not letting that stop me. Nor am I letting the fact that I slept in today and didn't get my exercise in stop me. I WILL EXERCISE TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!
Taking charge now!!!! It's what I've gotta do...otherwise I'll just end up back being miserable again...and really who wants that!
We played amazing!!! I got home twice (ran my ass off)...although the second time doesn't count as we had 2 out and they got a runner out at second just as I crossed the finish line...I crossed and then I heard out at second...so that kinda sucks. I was breathless cause I ran hard and it didn't even count :( But it still felt great to not be out on my account.
Also our team got 2 double plays last night (better than my hubby's team ;) )! AND we mercied them in the second inning! We would have won if there was no mercy rule. We got our 7th run in and they called mercy as the other 3 people were on their way to home...it was well out there and it would have been awesome to count those other 3 runs...that and we mercied them with only 1 out that inning. We ended up losing 11-8. But as far as I'm concerned it was a great game! We had a blast. And the captain's hubby/boyfriend was there and he had us all doing the wave and cheering from the bench it was hilarious. Only 1 bad thing last night...the sheer amount of mosquitoes!!! We were batting in the outfields or at least it felt that way...swatting all the time.
Today it's raining and glum out but I'm not letting that stop me. Nor am I letting the fact that I slept in today and didn't get my exercise in stop me. I WILL EXERCISE TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!
Taking charge now!!!! It's what I've gotta do...otherwise I'll just end up back being miserable again...and really who wants that!
Monday, June 21, 2010
ummm so yeah
yup I did 2 days of the 30 day shred and then dropped the ball...well the first day was Becca taking forever in the bath and then I didn't have time for my workout before going to work. So lesson learned is that if I don't work out in the morning...it just doesn't happen.
I was active a lot this weekend...made a lot of use of the pool :) However I don't think floating and splashing is exercise LOL. And we went to the movies and out for dinner, etc,etc. So the food part of things was off as well...and as usual didn't get hardly any fluids in on the weekend. It's not just water...I just tend not to drink anything for most of the weekend. I forget to really.
So I'm sitting here at my desk drinking my water and blogging hoping it will re-motivate me again. I was so motivated after my freak out last week. And it's not like I feel I can't do it or anything now...I know I can. I'm just complacent and that's that dangerous area to be in this journey. So before I go downward spiralling I'm recognizing the complacency and focusing on my food intake.
Tonight is baseball yay!!!! I'll get my exercise in for sure today.
I was active a lot this weekend...made a lot of use of the pool :) However I don't think floating and splashing is exercise LOL. And we went to the movies and out for dinner, etc,etc. So the food part of things was off as well...and as usual didn't get hardly any fluids in on the weekend. It's not just water...I just tend not to drink anything for most of the weekend. I forget to really.
So I'm sitting here at my desk drinking my water and blogging hoping it will re-motivate me again. I was so motivated after my freak out last week. And it's not like I feel I can't do it or anything now...I know I can. I'm just complacent and that's that dangerous area to be in this journey. So before I go downward spiralling I'm recognizing the complacency and focusing on my food intake.
Tonight is baseball yay!!!! I'll get my exercise in for sure today.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Day 2 of Jillian's 30 day shred
Well I had my freak out yet again and of course it helped me refocus! How many times have I done this? How many more times will I freak out? Oh well a couple more I'm sure.
The good news is...I ate well yesterday I still had a snack before bed (a SMALL bowl of chips) but I don't feel bad about that. I honestly feel like it fit into my day. I ate very healthy. I exercised first thing in the morning and I felt great.
This morning I exercised (although I rushed it if that makes sense as I was behind...I'll get to that in a minute). I weighed myself when I woke up this morning and it said I was down 2 lbs from yesterday! Thank you very much. So I'm at 200.2 (stupid 0.2 LOL). So I'm very close to breaking back to where I was. Honestly I figured the 4 lbs I put on would come off easier because of how fast it went on and how I refocused. The trick is to keep it going. I think I'm good for a bit honestly...mainly because I was stuck at 197 for so long and it was so easy to get back up over 200 when I essentially gave up for a bit. So now I have that resolve to blow past the 190's! I crave 180's right now! So that 0.2 to get below 200 means nothing right now...it's the 10 I'm concentrating on to get into the 180's!!! Now that's a goal! 10 at a time baby 10 at a time! Don't think too far ahead or it will overwhelm you...it sure did me!
As for being rushed this morning. I woke up in good time and snoozed my alarm and said to myself okay time to get up to work out...but the window was open and it was raining out and the sound of the rain on the pool cover in perfect little pitter patters put me out like a light so when the alarm went off again it shocked me that I'd fallen asleep and I had fallen into a deep sleep at that. So I got up and rushed through everything...and then Becca (who was up way too late last night) had a slight melt down this morning and the rushing didn't help that either. She did her Wii Fit (shocking we were doing that every day and she went on and it said we hadn't been on it in 25 days...I'm going to do mine tomorrow AM before Jillian's workout). After the Wii fit she seemed more awake and her usual self.
Off to have another balanced day :)
Keep strong Amigo's it will get better! Remember asking for help is key.
I asked Kevin to help me (and I promised I would actually let him help instead of asking and then ignoring him) and so far so good! Ultimately it's up to me but a little help on the sidelines never hurts either.
The good news is...I ate well yesterday I still had a snack before bed (a SMALL bowl of chips) but I don't feel bad about that. I honestly feel like it fit into my day. I ate very healthy. I exercised first thing in the morning and I felt great.
This morning I exercised (although I rushed it if that makes sense as I was behind...I'll get to that in a minute). I weighed myself when I woke up this morning and it said I was down 2 lbs from yesterday! Thank you very much. So I'm at 200.2 (stupid 0.2 LOL). So I'm very close to breaking back to where I was. Honestly I figured the 4 lbs I put on would come off easier because of how fast it went on and how I refocused. The trick is to keep it going. I think I'm good for a bit honestly...mainly because I was stuck at 197 for so long and it was so easy to get back up over 200 when I essentially gave up for a bit. So now I have that resolve to blow past the 190's! I crave 180's right now! So that 0.2 to get below 200 means nothing right now...it's the 10 I'm concentrating on to get into the 180's!!! Now that's a goal! 10 at a time baby 10 at a time! Don't think too far ahead or it will overwhelm you...it sure did me!
As for being rushed this morning. I woke up in good time and snoozed my alarm and said to myself okay time to get up to work out...but the window was open and it was raining out and the sound of the rain on the pool cover in perfect little pitter patters put me out like a light so when the alarm went off again it shocked me that I'd fallen asleep and I had fallen into a deep sleep at that. So I got up and rushed through everything...and then Becca (who was up way too late last night) had a slight melt down this morning and the rushing didn't help that either. She did her Wii Fit (shocking we were doing that every day and she went on and it said we hadn't been on it in 25 days...I'm going to do mine tomorrow AM before Jillian's workout). After the Wii fit she seemed more awake and her usual self.
Off to have another balanced day :)
Keep strong Amigo's it will get better! Remember asking for help is key.
I asked Kevin to help me (and I promised I would actually let him help instead of asking and then ignoring him) and so far so good! Ultimately it's up to me but a little help on the sidelines never hurts either.
Monday, June 14, 2010
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (super long one)
Yup I'm mad. Mad at myself and mad at my F&*KING scale!!!! HOW DARE IT BE UP 5 FLIPPING POUNDS!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!! okay got it out.
I'm just so pissed off right now. I know I haven't been bang on with eating and exercise, etc. But it was a busy active weekend and I am up! I'm over 200 again!!!! Can you believe it. It took so long to go from 202 to 197 and now I'm up again. I know I got below 200 and was in heaven and plateaued...not from trying and it not happening but from me phoning it in a bit...and that's why I'm mad! I did this! No one else. Not some strange invisible force!!! ME!!!! I got below 200 and decided I can eat what I want and be lazy and it'll be fine but it's not!!!!! Sometimes I feel like the Gabriel Method just doesn't cut it. and sometimes I think like it's the answer! All I know now is that I need to eat smarter and start some formal exercise because every day chores just aren't cutting it! Yes they are active chores with gardening, etc but they just aren't enough.
I need to focus and I've done this so many times that it's just disheartening! So here's the plan starting this minute!!!
1. Water
2. Exercise (EARLY MORNING)
3. Walk on lunches
4. Family Fitness (bike rides, walks, tag, badminton, tennis, etc)
5. EAT HEALTHY!
I feel rotten! I just wish I could snap my fingers and be at goal and know how to stay there. Can't someone just hypnotize me into wanting to eat well and make me think I don't like junk food?! I just wish I could see junk food and feel like it's no good that it would make me feel sick to see it so I wouldn't want it. I don't want to like it! I don't want to eat it...and yet I do it! Why can't I stop?! I just want to be able to live.
You know I baked this weekend. My neices were over and we decided to make pineapple upside down cake and chocolate chip/peanut butter chip cookies. But it made me think of all the times I baked with my mom when I was little and how I don't do that with Becca. We don't have that mother daughter time where you learn about baking and all that girly stuff just by simply sharing that time with your mom. And then I think that all this stuff I'm doing trying to lose weight and just not getting there is ruining her childhood. I feel like I'm waiting to live my life when I'm at goal and not living now.
I think the weight loss program I'm on right now just doesn't fit into my life. I want it to but I don't think it works for us right now. Unless I eat something different from the rest of my family it's just not going to work. I will try for another 2 weeks. I figure right now at rock bottom I've gotta focus and being here helps me focus somehow. So I'll give it 2 more weeks in this focused state. If by then I'm still hovering and not seeing good progress then I'm going to have to change things up. The battle isn't over for me but it will have to change if I can't get it going again!
I know this entry is all over the place it's just me trying to get my head on straight. I will get through this...just feeling a little low right now. By talking through it I get to vent and get my frustrations out and then it helps me to see the light a little if that makes sense. Usually by the end of writing these I feel more focused and can tackle the thing that's bothering me. Right now...I know I can tackle it and I want to but at the same time I feel so close to that edge of giving up. I can happy while I'm fat as long as I don't go clothes shopping or see pictures of myself or look in the mirror. LOL.
I think I need to think about the reasons for me to lose weight maybe that will help...I thought my entry was done but apparently it's not LOL sorry guys
REASONS TO LOSE WEIGHT
1. good example to Becca
2. be able to keep up with Becca and Kevin
3. self confidence
4. be healthy
5. love myself
6. be around for a long long time
7. I don't want vericose veins worse than they are
8. shopping in normal stores
9. to be able to run and not feel like I'm going to pass out after 20 seconds
10. like how I look
11. FEEL GOOD
I'm sure there's more but that's my attempt for now.
I'm just so pissed off right now. I know I haven't been bang on with eating and exercise, etc. But it was a busy active weekend and I am up! I'm over 200 again!!!! Can you believe it. It took so long to go from 202 to 197 and now I'm up again. I know I got below 200 and was in heaven and plateaued...not from trying and it not happening but from me phoning it in a bit...and that's why I'm mad! I did this! No one else. Not some strange invisible force!!! ME!!!! I got below 200 and decided I can eat what I want and be lazy and it'll be fine but it's not!!!!! Sometimes I feel like the Gabriel Method just doesn't cut it. and sometimes I think like it's the answer! All I know now is that I need to eat smarter and start some formal exercise because every day chores just aren't cutting it! Yes they are active chores with gardening, etc but they just aren't enough.
I need to focus and I've done this so many times that it's just disheartening! So here's the plan starting this minute!!!
1. Water
2. Exercise (EARLY MORNING)
3. Walk on lunches
4. Family Fitness (bike rides, walks, tag, badminton, tennis, etc)
5. EAT HEALTHY!
I feel rotten! I just wish I could snap my fingers and be at goal and know how to stay there. Can't someone just hypnotize me into wanting to eat well and make me think I don't like junk food?! I just wish I could see junk food and feel like it's no good that it would make me feel sick to see it so I wouldn't want it. I don't want to like it! I don't want to eat it...and yet I do it! Why can't I stop?! I just want to be able to live.
You know I baked this weekend. My neices were over and we decided to make pineapple upside down cake and chocolate chip/peanut butter chip cookies. But it made me think of all the times I baked with my mom when I was little and how I don't do that with Becca. We don't have that mother daughter time where you learn about baking and all that girly stuff just by simply sharing that time with your mom. And then I think that all this stuff I'm doing trying to lose weight and just not getting there is ruining her childhood. I feel like I'm waiting to live my life when I'm at goal and not living now.
I think the weight loss program I'm on right now just doesn't fit into my life. I want it to but I don't think it works for us right now. Unless I eat something different from the rest of my family it's just not going to work. I will try for another 2 weeks. I figure right now at rock bottom I've gotta focus and being here helps me focus somehow. So I'll give it 2 more weeks in this focused state. If by then I'm still hovering and not seeing good progress then I'm going to have to change things up. The battle isn't over for me but it will have to change if I can't get it going again!
I know this entry is all over the place it's just me trying to get my head on straight. I will get through this...just feeling a little low right now. By talking through it I get to vent and get my frustrations out and then it helps me to see the light a little if that makes sense. Usually by the end of writing these I feel more focused and can tackle the thing that's bothering me. Right now...I know I can tackle it and I want to but at the same time I feel so close to that edge of giving up. I can happy while I'm fat as long as I don't go clothes shopping or see pictures of myself or look in the mirror. LOL.
I think I need to think about the reasons for me to lose weight maybe that will help...I thought my entry was done but apparently it's not LOL sorry guys
REASONS TO LOSE WEIGHT
1. good example to Becca
2. be able to keep up with Becca and Kevin
3. self confidence
4. be healthy
5. love myself
6. be around for a long long time
7. I don't want vericose veins worse than they are
8. shopping in normal stores
9. to be able to run and not feel like I'm going to pass out after 20 seconds
10. like how I look
11. FEEL GOOD
I'm sure there's more but that's my attempt for now.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
gardening
If you ever want a full body work out just plant a garden! phew! I gardened for 2 hours last night and this morning my legs are sooooo sore. But in a good way of course. I can feel my quads, my abs, my arms. It's nice to work all the muscles!
I did however sabotage myself last night at about 10pm or so...chips and maltesers. Not alot of either but tack that on to my pita for dinner and that's a lot of sodium!!! so I was up 2 lbs this morning. Drinking my lakes of water and trying to flush my system before I weigh in tonight. No excuses just bad judgement on my part.
Tonight the plan is to work on cleaning out the mess of a garage we have. It's not the normal messy it's the packed to the brim need to clean it out from the winter messy. Normally we would have done it by now but life's been crazy. We have to do it this week as Kevin's uncle is coming by to fix our hose bibs this weekend. They are leaking where they come out of the house. When we use the one in the backyard the bucket under it collecting the water so it doesn't go into the house fills faster than the water coming out of the end of the hose. The one for the front of the house is in the garage at the very back so we have to clean it out to get to it properly and also so his uncle doesn't think we are complete slobs LOL.
It's getting cleaned out and hopefully sometime Saturday in the morning (first thing) we can take a couple of trips to the dump. So much to go...remember how we renovated our powder room...yup it all went into the garage. We were going to get my dad to come out with his trailer but he was busy and then we were busy but now we have a new van and can take all the stuff ourselves :) So tonight is sorting and piling and Saturday will be removal.
I'm looking forward to doing it...not just to clean out the garage but to use this as my workout. Loads of lifting, etc.
I did however sabotage myself last night at about 10pm or so...chips and maltesers. Not alot of either but tack that on to my pita for dinner and that's a lot of sodium!!! so I was up 2 lbs this morning. Drinking my lakes of water and trying to flush my system before I weigh in tonight. No excuses just bad judgement on my part.
Tonight the plan is to work on cleaning out the mess of a garage we have. It's not the normal messy it's the packed to the brim need to clean it out from the winter messy. Normally we would have done it by now but life's been crazy. We have to do it this week as Kevin's uncle is coming by to fix our hose bibs this weekend. They are leaking where they come out of the house. When we use the one in the backyard the bucket under it collecting the water so it doesn't go into the house fills faster than the water coming out of the end of the hose. The one for the front of the house is in the garage at the very back so we have to clean it out to get to it properly and also so his uncle doesn't think we are complete slobs LOL.
It's getting cleaned out and hopefully sometime Saturday in the morning (first thing) we can take a couple of trips to the dump. So much to go...remember how we renovated our powder room...yup it all went into the garage. We were going to get my dad to come out with his trailer but he was busy and then we were busy but now we have a new van and can take all the stuff ourselves :) So tonight is sorting and piling and Saturday will be removal.
I'm looking forward to doing it...not just to clean out the garage but to use this as my workout. Loads of lifting, etc.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
two active days and another planned
Well the last two days have been very active. Monday night was baseball night...it was a blast...I made it to 3rd base this time...not that I got a triple but I got a hit and it was a good one for me...landed just outside the diamond in the field (just) between rover and left fielder...too far for 3rd and 2nd to get it and too short for the fielders to get to it fast...so I made it to first just before the ball did :) Then the next two people got base hits and then the next person got out and that was it for the inning. So close to getting home...oh and when I got to first that time I also brought someone home...so that felt great too. First time up to bat I struck out, 2nd was the lengthy explanation above and third time I popped it up and it was caught. I was also very active in the field. I made sure to run alot to get as much exercise as I could.
Then yesterday we were outside until 10pm working on getting that darn pool up. We had it up but had to move it last weekend because the ground wasn't level enough. So we had two yards of dirt delivered...and last night I moved 1.5 yards of it. I shovelled into the wheelbarrow, moved it, dumped it, and raked it out while Kevin tampered it down...trust me I got the good deal. Our friend had a home made tamper and it was heeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaavy!!! I tried but it was too much for me. Then once we were happy with how level it was we moved the pool back. It wasn't that simple...first Kevin's arms were 8 feet long from all the tampering (his term not mine LOL) then we had to take the legs down from the pool and empty out the water...the drain was too slow and we didn't have anything to syphon with so we grabbed a bucket and bailed some (no we didn't put the water in there...mother nature did a few days in week)...once we drained for the most part we then dragged that sucker back (cursing I might add as the little itty bit of water still made it drag to one side and made it heavier. Then we got it up with the mosquitoes attacking us and with no light left. We finished with it almost in the right spot but no energy and no light left (we worked almost an hour in the dark before I threw in the towel).
Then I realized I forgot to eat dinner...seriously doesn't happen to me. But it was a very busy night...picked up Becca's friend and took them to dance then went to the grocery store for a few things, picked up the girls dropped her friend off at home, got Becca ready for bed and started on the pool outside. When we went in I felt so nauseous. I didn't realize I had worked that hard but my legs were killing me and with the lack of food I was feeling it. In fact I'm not feeling the best this morning either. I'm at work though so suck it up buttercup right?! LOL.
Today after work I'm going to plant some more veggies in my garden up north...it's raining today and isn't really supposed to let up but I don't care...rain or no rain those guys are getting planted this evening. I have pumpkins, cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers, and marigolds for around the garden to keep the bugs away. Plus I'll weed the garden a bit and thin out the carrots if they are ready for that. I haven't seen it in a few weeks so I'm sure they are getting to that point.
Ready for another busy active evening...every time I garden I feel it in my legs from bending over I'm sure. But that's good that means my legs are working and that can only tighten them up which is what I want!!!! My legs are my worst feature so doing things that make them hurt is good!
Then yesterday we were outside until 10pm working on getting that darn pool up. We had it up but had to move it last weekend because the ground wasn't level enough. So we had two yards of dirt delivered...and last night I moved 1.5 yards of it. I shovelled into the wheelbarrow, moved it, dumped it, and raked it out while Kevin tampered it down...trust me I got the good deal. Our friend had a home made tamper and it was heeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaavy!!! I tried but it was too much for me. Then once we were happy with how level it was we moved the pool back. It wasn't that simple...first Kevin's arms were 8 feet long from all the tampering (his term not mine LOL) then we had to take the legs down from the pool and empty out the water...the drain was too slow and we didn't have anything to syphon with so we grabbed a bucket and bailed some (no we didn't put the water in there...mother nature did a few days in week)...once we drained for the most part we then dragged that sucker back (cursing I might add as the little itty bit of water still made it drag to one side and made it heavier. Then we got it up with the mosquitoes attacking us and with no light left. We finished with it almost in the right spot but no energy and no light left (we worked almost an hour in the dark before I threw in the towel).
Then I realized I forgot to eat dinner...seriously doesn't happen to me. But it was a very busy night...picked up Becca's friend and took them to dance then went to the grocery store for a few things, picked up the girls dropped her friend off at home, got Becca ready for bed and started on the pool outside. When we went in I felt so nauseous. I didn't realize I had worked that hard but my legs were killing me and with the lack of food I was feeling it. In fact I'm not feeling the best this morning either. I'm at work though so suck it up buttercup right?! LOL.
Today after work I'm going to plant some more veggies in my garden up north...it's raining today and isn't really supposed to let up but I don't care...rain or no rain those guys are getting planted this evening. I have pumpkins, cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers, and marigolds for around the garden to keep the bugs away. Plus I'll weed the garden a bit and thin out the carrots if they are ready for that. I haven't seen it in a few weeks so I'm sure they are getting to that point.
Ready for another busy active evening...every time I garden I feel it in my legs from bending over I'm sure. But that's good that means my legs are working and that can only tighten them up which is what I want!!!! My legs are my worst feature so doing things that make them hurt is good!
Monday, June 7, 2010
fresh week...another long one...but are you really that surprised LOL
so I lost my journal LOL...not sure what happened to it...I'm sure it's at home somewhere or maybe I left it at the weigh in centre...hmmm. I took the weekend off so to say...I know I just said that I would journal with all my meals...but this weekend was THE exception.
Friday we met up with Lisa and Greg and went out for dinner and then to the Jays game (we beat the Yankees 6-1 yeah baby). We had a blast thanks to a couple of Yankee's fans in front of us that were the best and their puppet oh and the really drunk guy behind us...he was hilarious. They were shouting to A-Rod...calling him A-Roid and instead of Let's go Blue Jays they did it in the same song but You do steroids...it was awful but sooo funny all at the same time. You gotta feel bad for the guy being heckled so loudly!!! One person would say A-Rod...and the whole section would shout...you suck!! It really was bad but made for an excellent rowdy fun game all the same. So I had an $8 slushy vodka drink at the game...quite yummy...but I now know I have to stay away from alcohol all together...I thought it was just wine but my lovely Vodka game me a tummy ache through out the night as well...oh well there are worse things...I don't drink that often anyway so I don't really feel like I'm missing out on anything...now say the same for chocolate and I would cry :) Oh and then we went out dancing at Crocodile Rock (where we saw a 20 something ...maybe early 30's pick up a I'd say at minimum 57 and that's being nice woman...they started making out and everything...it was rather disturbing). I mean good for her but it was like watching my friend make out with my grandma. That was interesting to say the least...oh and I got hit in the head 3 times by people dancing on the ledge behind us. But it was a blast!
Saturday we had well brunch at a greasy spoon...it was okay but eggs on an upset tummy aren't the best for me. We walked along Queen Street...poor Lisa her foot was bugging her so much. Then we went home...we picked up Becca and honestly we went home and sat on the couch...I was so tired...I don't stay up that late anymore very often and when I do I'm a right off! I had such a headache I went to bed at 9pm...Becca was in bed but still awake LOL.
Yesterday was Becca's dance recital so it was busy busy busy. We of course went out for dinner as the shows were at 1pm and 6pm and so we ended up going to a restaurant for dinner to pass the time.
So I'm up today but I'm drinking my water and I'm determined to feed my body the nutritional food it needs. SO far today I've had yogurt with strawberries and oatmeal..mmmmmm. For lunch I have an Asian salad that I can't wait for...and another yogurt. I didn't bring near enough snacks so I will have to run out I guess to get a couple of things...but I really don't want to as I don't want to cave on the chocolate LOL.
Also I wrote on a scrap piece of paper for my journal until I can find it.
Okay that's all for now...baseball tonight...that's my activity for today :)
Friday we met up with Lisa and Greg and went out for dinner and then to the Jays game (we beat the Yankees 6-1 yeah baby). We had a blast thanks to a couple of Yankee's fans in front of us that were the best and their puppet oh and the really drunk guy behind us...he was hilarious. They were shouting to A-Rod...calling him A-Roid and instead of Let's go Blue Jays they did it in the same song but You do steroids...it was awful but sooo funny all at the same time. You gotta feel bad for the guy being heckled so loudly!!! One person would say A-Rod...and the whole section would shout...you suck!! It really was bad but made for an excellent rowdy fun game all the same. So I had an $8 slushy vodka drink at the game...quite yummy...but I now know I have to stay away from alcohol all together...I thought it was just wine but my lovely Vodka game me a tummy ache through out the night as well...oh well there are worse things...I don't drink that often anyway so I don't really feel like I'm missing out on anything...now say the same for chocolate and I would cry :) Oh and then we went out dancing at Crocodile Rock (where we saw a 20 something ...maybe early 30's pick up a I'd say at minimum 57 and that's being nice woman...they started making out and everything...it was rather disturbing). I mean good for her but it was like watching my friend make out with my grandma. That was interesting to say the least...oh and I got hit in the head 3 times by people dancing on the ledge behind us. But it was a blast!
Saturday we had well brunch at a greasy spoon...it was okay but eggs on an upset tummy aren't the best for me. We walked along Queen Street...poor Lisa her foot was bugging her so much. Then we went home...we picked up Becca and honestly we went home and sat on the couch...I was so tired...I don't stay up that late anymore very often and when I do I'm a right off! I had such a headache I went to bed at 9pm...Becca was in bed but still awake LOL.
Yesterday was Becca's dance recital so it was busy busy busy. We of course went out for dinner as the shows were at 1pm and 6pm and so we ended up going to a restaurant for dinner to pass the time.
So I'm up today but I'm drinking my water and I'm determined to feed my body the nutritional food it needs. SO far today I've had yogurt with strawberries and oatmeal..mmmmmm. For lunch I have an Asian salad that I can't wait for...and another yogurt. I didn't bring near enough snacks so I will have to run out I guess to get a couple of things...but I really don't want to as I don't want to cave on the chocolate LOL.
Also I wrote on a scrap piece of paper for my journal until I can find it.
Okay that's all for now...baseball tonight...that's my activity for today :)
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
plan
Well I've made a plan to journal with each meal as I eat as opposed to trying to remember a couple of days later. And I'm going to my weight loss centre to see if I can weigh in every day again like when I first started. I'm supposed to go Mon, Wed, Fri each week...but I think I need that accountability of stepping on that scale each day...it'll make me think about what I'm putting in my mouth instead of thinking I have a day or two to work it off. Cause let's be honest I don't work it off and then I have to hope to maintain but then I'm not losing am I?! So that's my plan...stay on track by journal and weighing in every day that I can. 7:00 baseball games mean no weigh in that night...but otherwise I am going every day (well Sunday they are closed). I will find a way to squeeze it into my day every day!!!
I'm ready to shed this fat suit once and for all!!!
I'm ready to shed this fat suit once and for all!!!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Journal time
Well it's been a bit since I wrote again...had a very active weekend but my eating was off. I ate hot dogs and burgers and movie popcorn and chips...definitely not a focused weekend. But I don't feel bad about it surprisingly. I was so active that had I eaten well the weight likely would have fallen off but I maintained...well it was up down up down but in the end a maintain I'd say. I'm sure with focused effort today it'll be down a bit.
With that said I don't want to maintain...not that it's a bad thing but I really want to drop more weight. It will happen over time and we are being much less lazy these days. We've been super active getting loads done around the house...things we've wanted to do but just didn't have the energy last year to do. We both dropped 20 and more for him and now we are ready to tackle the things around the house. yay!
Well I'm back to journalling my food with each meal...I decided that this morning. I went to journal and I hadn't done it since Friday and was trying to remember all the stuff I ate to update it. It wasn't so easy LOL. So I will stay on track better if I journal with each meal...then I see what I'm missing as I go as well. The whole weekend I didn't get my fruits and veggies in the way I should have. Had I journalled with each meal I would have planned more salad's and fruits with my meals...see how it works :)
3 more sleeps until I see Lisa yay!!!! Let's go Blue Jays!!!! Just have to figure out when we are meeting up.
With that said I don't want to maintain...not that it's a bad thing but I really want to drop more weight. It will happen over time and we are being much less lazy these days. We've been super active getting loads done around the house...things we've wanted to do but just didn't have the energy last year to do. We both dropped 20 and more for him and now we are ready to tackle the things around the house. yay!
Well I'm back to journalling my food with each meal...I decided that this morning. I went to journal and I hadn't done it since Friday and was trying to remember all the stuff I ate to update it. It wasn't so easy LOL. So I will stay on track better if I journal with each meal...then I see what I'm missing as I go as well. The whole weekend I didn't get my fruits and veggies in the way I should have. Had I journalled with each meal I would have planned more salad's and fruits with my meals...see how it works :)
3 more sleeps until I see Lisa yay!!!! Let's go Blue Jays!!!! Just have to figure out when we are meeting up.
Friday, May 28, 2010
where'd my motivation go
Seriously....again?!?! What is this! I'm so frustrated with myself. I'm not eating bad but I'm just not motivated. It's like the end is so far away that I'm just disheartened. I know the drill set mini goals do things you enjoy, blah blah blah...but it's such a roller coaster. highs and lows...I feel like in the world of weight loss I'm bi-polar! I go from pure energy and let's kick ass to the next day woe is me and I'll never get there. urg!
That's all I have to say...just needed to vent...off to drink more water!
That's all I have to say...just needed to vent...off to drink more water!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Lisa where are you...we miss you :(
Well it's amazing how much I can say I'm on the ball and not BE on the ball LOL. I keep trying and keep finding myself overeating. Well I didn't overeat so much as I wanted to.
Yesterday I had yogurt, orange, a few mouthfuls of an awful salad, yogurt with granola and berries, whole wheat croissant (felt like it), egg scramble with peas and feta and toast with becel, then a strawberry smoothie.
At lunch I went to the store to get a chicken wrap but they didn't have any of the light ones I like so I got a salad instead but took a few bites and didn't really like it so much...so I threw it out. One thing I have to mention and I'm soooo proud of this...I wanted a chocolate bar soooo bad. They were on two for a dollar and I really wanted it...but I said no and grabbed the yogurt with granola and berries instead. That didn't quite curb my sweet tooth but thank goodness I didn't have any change in my purse cause I would have gone to the vending machine for a treat if I had. I should have been strong but I was weak...I made it through the afternoon without a snack as my other orange was all dried up and sour yuck. I got home had the egg scramble my hubby so kindly made for me and rushed out the door to take Becca to dance class. It was a crazy busy evening and we didn't get home until 9pm of course then I sat down and watched BL and was super snacky. But Kevin refused to let me make any popcorn (cause I can't just eat popcorn I need to have shakers on it LOL) so I made a strawberry smoothie and it was the best one yet...so yummy.
Today I make no promises but I will try like I did yesterday. Again I need to get a lunch as we forgot in all our travels last night to pick up lunch meat and milk LOL. So here's hoping the chocolate cravings are at bay :)
Now to get some water into me.
Hope my Amigos are doing well...they are usually stronger than me when it comes to keeping the cravings at bay. LISA WHERE ARE YOU? I want to read your endorphin filled blogs!
Yesterday I had yogurt, orange, a few mouthfuls of an awful salad, yogurt with granola and berries, whole wheat croissant (felt like it), egg scramble with peas and feta and toast with becel, then a strawberry smoothie.
At lunch I went to the store to get a chicken wrap but they didn't have any of the light ones I like so I got a salad instead but took a few bites and didn't really like it so much...so I threw it out. One thing I have to mention and I'm soooo proud of this...I wanted a chocolate bar soooo bad. They were on two for a dollar and I really wanted it...but I said no and grabbed the yogurt with granola and berries instead. That didn't quite curb my sweet tooth but thank goodness I didn't have any change in my purse cause I would have gone to the vending machine for a treat if I had. I should have been strong but I was weak...I made it through the afternoon without a snack as my other orange was all dried up and sour yuck. I got home had the egg scramble my hubby so kindly made for me and rushed out the door to take Becca to dance class. It was a crazy busy evening and we didn't get home until 9pm of course then I sat down and watched BL and was super snacky. But Kevin refused to let me make any popcorn (cause I can't just eat popcorn I need to have shakers on it LOL) so I made a strawberry smoothie and it was the best one yet...so yummy.
Today I make no promises but I will try like I did yesterday. Again I need to get a lunch as we forgot in all our travels last night to pick up lunch meat and milk LOL. So here's hoping the chocolate cravings are at bay :)
Now to get some water into me.
Hope my Amigos are doing well...they are usually stronger than me when it comes to keeping the cravings at bay. LISA WHERE ARE YOU? I want to read your endorphin filled blogs!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Monday nope Tuesday
Well it was a long weekend so today feels like Monday but it's Tuesday already :) I didn't stick to my eating every 2 hours over the weekend...I was busy gardening and doing chores and forgot to eat often. So when I did stop for lunch or dinner I was famished and ended up eating way too fast and too much and fairly carb heavy. Didn't get as much water as I would have liked either. But I was ACTIVE all weekend long. Sore today really. I was busy from the moment I woke up until I went to bed for 3 days straight (although I only marked it as 6 hours of exercise mainly because some of it didn't feel like exercise even though I can definitely feel it). I am up in weight...I guess lack of water and some junk food made the difference. Although I didn't have too much junk this weekend...I'm very proud of that :)
Today it's eat every 2 hours (Already had a yogurt and then an orange just now). Gotta get going on my water...none so far. and as for activity...this week will be more chore related and maybe some weight machine on my legs. I haven't used that in a long time and I know I'm getting good exercise overall.
We had dirt delivered yesterday to level our backyard out so we can put up our pool for the summer WOOHOO!!!! I'll be adding swimming into the mix in a week or so...although it's only 16 feet across the pool...I can't really do much in the way of laps but I'll get some water aerobics in for sure. Make it fun!!! So this week will be shovelling and moving dirt...that'll be good upper body work :) and weight machine on the legs...full body workouts :)
I'm not ready for the 5K in 1 week and 4 days!!!! but I'll do the best I can either way :)
Three Amigos are ready to kick this into high gear :)
Today it's eat every 2 hours (Already had a yogurt and then an orange just now). Gotta get going on my water...none so far. and as for activity...this week will be more chore related and maybe some weight machine on my legs. I haven't used that in a long time and I know I'm getting good exercise overall.
We had dirt delivered yesterday to level our backyard out so we can put up our pool for the summer WOOHOO!!!! I'll be adding swimming into the mix in a week or so...although it's only 16 feet across the pool...I can't really do much in the way of laps but I'll get some water aerobics in for sure. Make it fun!!! So this week will be shovelling and moving dirt...that'll be good upper body work :) and weight machine on the legs...full body workouts :)
I'm not ready for the 5K in 1 week and 4 days!!!! but I'll do the best I can either way :)
Three Amigos are ready to kick this into high gear :)
Friday, May 21, 2010
something new
Okay so I decided to try something new yesterday. My friend has been diagnosed as hypoglycaemic and has to eat every 2 hours. So I thought I wonder if that would work with me. Instead of having 3 main meals and some snacks I would try eating every 2 hours and see if I craved bad stuff or if the healthy things were fine. The trick is to eat more times a day but smaller portions and keep it healthy and nutritious. I know that yesterday was the first day so it could have been sheer determination that factored into the success of it so we are going to try this all weekend and see if I can stick to it.
Here's how yesterday went:
8am - yogurt
10am - orange
12pm - chicken caesar salad mmmm
went for a walk at the lake for an hour
2pm - blueberries
4pm - didn't bring enough food oops
6pm (became 7pm) - went out for dinner had a grilled chicken breast on a bun with sweet potato fries
no night time snack...didn't need it surprisingly
did Wii fit step for 20 minutes and had more water
drank a total of 4 litres of water yesterday
Felt completely amazing all day...not hungry (well just before dinner at the 5 hour mark of no food I started to get hungry which is why I ate sooo fast and felt sick after but I did Wii fit and felt better after that)
This morning I weighed the same as I did yesterday morning which is fine as I did 80 minutes of cardio yesterday and exercise makes me stall on weight loss temporarily.
Honestly I think I can do this every 2-3 hour eating thing...I'm eating whole real foods and don't feel hungry or light headed because my body is getting what it needs and I don't feel the need to snack on crap :)
We'll see how today goes...
Plan for today:
8am - shredded wheat and milk (done)
10am - yogurt
12pm - turkey sandwich
2pm - strawberries
4pm - orange
6pm - (haven't decided on dinner yet but it'll be something yummy)
8pm - carrots and ranch dressing
Other obstacles this weekend - it's the long weekend and we are visiting friends and family. Just have to go prepared :)
Here's how yesterday went:
8am - yogurt
10am - orange
12pm - chicken caesar salad mmmm
went for a walk at the lake for an hour
2pm - blueberries
4pm - didn't bring enough food oops
6pm (became 7pm) - went out for dinner had a grilled chicken breast on a bun with sweet potato fries
no night time snack...didn't need it surprisingly
did Wii fit step for 20 minutes and had more water
drank a total of 4 litres of water yesterday
Felt completely amazing all day...not hungry (well just before dinner at the 5 hour mark of no food I started to get hungry which is why I ate sooo fast and felt sick after but I did Wii fit and felt better after that)
This morning I weighed the same as I did yesterday morning which is fine as I did 80 minutes of cardio yesterday and exercise makes me stall on weight loss temporarily.
Honestly I think I can do this every 2-3 hour eating thing...I'm eating whole real foods and don't feel hungry or light headed because my body is getting what it needs and I don't feel the need to snack on crap :)
We'll see how today goes...
Plan for today:
8am - shredded wheat and milk (done)
10am - yogurt
12pm - turkey sandwich
2pm - strawberries
4pm - orange
6pm - (haven't decided on dinner yet but it'll be something yummy)
8pm - carrots and ranch dressing
Other obstacles this weekend - it's the long weekend and we are visiting friends and family. Just have to go prepared :)
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
bingefest
Okay. On a new resolve for the whole weight loss thing. Yesterday I had chocolate and peanuts after…but I had 3 things of chocolate (reese pieces, kit kat chunky, maltesers…small bag yay for me) and then the honey roasted peanuts. I binged completely. But I thought about it this morning…I think I needed that complete binge…I was eating more and more at night…I was having more and more little snacks here and there and not feeling bad about it which was not good. This time I ate so much I felt sick to the point I couldn’t eat dinner…I made myself have some toast last night.
This morning I woke up and thought I’d be starving as I hadn’t had dinner except for toast but I wasn't hungry and I still felt sick. Just overly full…the thought of junk right now is turning my stomach. So I had some Shredded Wheat and some strawberries and it was awesome. I’m craving healthy food today…which I don’t know that that’s ever happened before. So this is good.
I think I needed to binge to get it out of my system rather than saying I was okay and eating junk here and there in hiding…now I don’t want it…not even a little bit. This is where I needed to be…not rock bottom but past the point of wanting junk…don’t know if that made sense to you or not. I was having more popcorn at night and then two days of chips…not good not a good path at all. I was having the bad stuff...more than was good for me but not so much that I was sick of it or feeling guilty...I was trying to justify it. I was trying to convince myself that I was gaining weight again because of silly things...not that I was sabotaging myself like Daris on BL (funny that it happened to me the same day that they showed that eh Pitbull LOL). I had come to that conclusion before they aired that episode but I hadn't said it out loud...so I am now. I'm gaining weight because I'm eating shit and not eating the things my body needs!!!!
Today I had a healthy breakfast…I have more strawberries and an orange and I’m determined to eat on plan today. My friend who's on maternity leave is meeting a bunch of us for lunch today…I totally forgot last night when I said I’d take a salad for lunch. We are going to Pita palace…so I’m going to have grilled chicken and lettuce with practically no dressing and NO CHEESE especially no FETA! On a whole wheat wrap…I’ve planned it out. Then I’ll come back and have my strawberries and yogurt. Or maybe I’ll have the yogurt before I go so I don’t overeat…and then have strawberries when I get back to my desk. I’m determined to do this!!! It’s all my choices not anyone else’s. I choose my own path! I could not go for lunch and go on my walk but then I'm avoiding and not facing things. I want to face it and conquer it!!! I know it's not a once and for all thing because I will have to make these tough choices everyday...but I WANT to do it today...to prove it to myself. I feel strong today. Crap I haven't had any water and wanted have had a litre by now...better get crackin'!!!
This morning I woke up and thought I’d be starving as I hadn’t had dinner except for toast but I wasn't hungry and I still felt sick. Just overly full…the thought of junk right now is turning my stomach. So I had some Shredded Wheat and some strawberries and it was awesome. I’m craving healthy food today…which I don’t know that that’s ever happened before. So this is good.
I think I needed to binge to get it out of my system rather than saying I was okay and eating junk here and there in hiding…now I don’t want it…not even a little bit. This is where I needed to be…not rock bottom but past the point of wanting junk…don’t know if that made sense to you or not. I was having more popcorn at night and then two days of chips…not good not a good path at all. I was having the bad stuff...more than was good for me but not so much that I was sick of it or feeling guilty...I was trying to justify it. I was trying to convince myself that I was gaining weight again because of silly things...not that I was sabotaging myself like Daris on BL (funny that it happened to me the same day that they showed that eh Pitbull LOL). I had come to that conclusion before they aired that episode but I hadn't said it out loud...so I am now. I'm gaining weight because I'm eating shit and not eating the things my body needs!!!!
Today I had a healthy breakfast…I have more strawberries and an orange and I’m determined to eat on plan today. My friend who's on maternity leave is meeting a bunch of us for lunch today…I totally forgot last night when I said I’d take a salad for lunch. We are going to Pita palace…so I’m going to have grilled chicken and lettuce with practically no dressing and NO CHEESE especially no FETA! On a whole wheat wrap…I’ve planned it out. Then I’ll come back and have my strawberries and yogurt. Or maybe I’ll have the yogurt before I go so I don’t overeat…and then have strawberries when I get back to my desk. I’m determined to do this!!! It’s all my choices not anyone else’s. I choose my own path! I could not go for lunch and go on my walk but then I'm avoiding and not facing things. I want to face it and conquer it!!! I know it's not a once and for all thing because I will have to make these tough choices everyday...but I WANT to do it today...to prove it to myself. I feel strong today. Crap I haven't had any water and wanted have had a litre by now...better get crackin'!!!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
WE WON A GAME!!!
Well last night we had a double header 8:15 and 9:30pm were the start times. So I get home from work and Kevin makes dinner (sheppard's pie so yummy) of course now I'm all weighed down and ready to sleep or snuggle on the couch watching TV instead of running around. But I made this commitment and honestly I love it. So I get ready and go battle the mosquitoes at the diamonds. I get there...and my lazy want to stay home feeling disappeared instantly. The first team we played were the Raiders and they kicked our butts...not as bad as our first game of the season but bad enough...although we got a couple of runs in which felt great. I was played right field or rover depending on the inning...in the second I played Rover and caught a ball so she would have been out but then I dropped it...I was so mad at myself I went to through it to second and threw it way too high so I messed up that play...but that's okay. I learned from it...I also think I need a smaller glove...we'll see I'm going to play around with mine to see if I can get it to fit better. So we felt okay after that game...not a win but some definite improvements we are starting to mesh as a team I think.
Then the second game...felt awesome. We were playing a really young team and thought we'd be creamed but their pitcher bless her heart used to pitch windmill...so she kept walking us as her pitches were too low and when she tried to pitch them higher (has to have an arc between 6-12 feet) she would miss the plate...Also we played better as well so that helped the cause too. I had another flub in that game...not in the field. I hit the ball but popped it up infield and swore the pitcher was going to catch it so I didn't run like I should have...now i know do NOT watch the ball just run and listen to the coaches that's what they are there for. Cause she dropped it and I would have made it to first had I ran first...but I waited and she rallied and got it to first before I could get there and just before I got there...I was really mad at myself for that one...but we won 5 to 1!!!!! yay us!!!! It was really nice to have that win for our confidence. Next week we have a 7pm game and they all want to go out for drinks after...I'll go but just have my lemon water :)
So I came home and had a snack a small bowl of sun chips...not the best but that's okay. I was up a bit this morning but c'est la vie. I'll figure it out...my body wants to store today so be it. I also know I'm retaining some major water...or I was yesterday for sure...I drank 3.5 litres and hardly pee'd and my lips were dry and chapping...hopefully the lakes of water again today can solve that.
Plan for today - work, take Becca to jazz, step on the Wii while watching BL :) It's the marathon episode.
Time for a nap (I wish)
Then the second game...felt awesome. We were playing a really young team and thought we'd be creamed but their pitcher bless her heart used to pitch windmill...so she kept walking us as her pitches were too low and when she tried to pitch them higher (has to have an arc between 6-12 feet) she would miss the plate...Also we played better as well so that helped the cause too. I had another flub in that game...not in the field. I hit the ball but popped it up infield and swore the pitcher was going to catch it so I didn't run like I should have...now i know do NOT watch the ball just run and listen to the coaches that's what they are there for. Cause she dropped it and I would have made it to first had I ran first...but I waited and she rallied and got it to first before I could get there and just before I got there...I was really mad at myself for that one...but we won 5 to 1!!!!! yay us!!!! It was really nice to have that win for our confidence. Next week we have a 7pm game and they all want to go out for drinks after...I'll go but just have my lemon water :)
So I came home and had a snack a small bowl of sun chips...not the best but that's okay. I was up a bit this morning but c'est la vie. I'll figure it out...my body wants to store today so be it. I also know I'm retaining some major water...or I was yesterday for sure...I drank 3.5 litres and hardly pee'd and my lips were dry and chapping...hopefully the lakes of water again today can solve that.
Plan for today - work, take Becca to jazz, step on the Wii while watching BL :) It's the marathon episode.
Time for a nap (I wish)
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