Baseball rocked!

Well we didn't win but I'm not sure how that happened.

We played amazing!!! I got home twice (ran my ass off)...although the second time doesn't count as we had 2 out and they got a runner out at second just as I crossed the finish line...I crossed and then I heard out at second...so that kinda sucks. I was breathless cause I ran hard and it didn't even count :( But it still felt great to not be out on my account.

Also our team got 2 double plays last night (better than my hubby's team ;) )! AND we mercied them in the second inning! We would have won if there was no mercy rule. We got our 7th run in and they called mercy as the other 3 people were on their way to home...it was well out there and it would have been awesome to count those other 3 runs...that and we mercied them with only 1 out that inning. We ended up losing 11-8. But as far as I'm concerned it was a great game! We had a blast. And the captain's hubby/boyfriend was there and he had us all doing the wave and cheering from the bench it was hilarious. Only 1 bad thing last night...the sheer amount of mosquitoes!!! We were batting in the outfields or at least it felt that way...swatting all the time.

Today it's raining and glum out but I'm not letting that stop me. Nor am I letting the fact that I slept in today and didn't get my exercise in stop me. I WILL EXERCISE TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

Taking charge now!!!! It's what I've gotta do...otherwise I'll just end up back being miserable again...and really who wants that!

ummm so yeah

yup I did 2 days of the 30 day shred and then dropped the ball...well the first day was Becca taking forever in the bath and then I didn't have time for my workout before going to work. So lesson learned is that if I don't work out in the morning...it just doesn't happen.

I was active a lot this weekend...made a lot of use of the pool :) However I don't think floating and splashing is exercise LOL. And we went to the movies and out for dinner, etc,etc. So the food part of things was off as well...and as usual didn't get hardly any fluids in on the weekend. It's not just water...I just tend not to drink anything for most of the weekend. I forget to really.

So I'm sitting here at my desk drinking my water and blogging hoping it will re-motivate me again. I was so motivated after my freak out last week. And it's not like I feel I can't do it or anything now...I know I can. I'm just complacent and that's that dangerous area to be in this journey. So before I go downward spiralling I'm recognizing the complacency and focusing on my food intake.

Tonight is baseball yay!!!! I'll get my exercise in for sure today.

Day 2 of Jillian's 30 day shred

Well I had my freak out yet again and of course it helped me refocus! How many times have I done this? How many more times will I freak out? Oh well a couple more I'm sure.

The good news is...I ate well yesterday I still had a snack before bed (a SMALL bowl of chips) but I don't feel bad about that. I honestly feel like it fit into my day. I ate very healthy. I exercised first thing in the morning and I felt great.

This morning I exercised (although I rushed it if that makes sense as I was behind...I'll get to that in a minute). I weighed myself when I woke up this morning and it said I was down 2 lbs from yesterday! Thank you very much. So I'm at 200.2 (stupid 0.2 LOL). So I'm very close to breaking back to where I was. Honestly I figured the 4 lbs I put on would come off easier because of how fast it went on and how I refocused. The trick is to keep it going. I think I'm good for a bit honestly...mainly because I was stuck at 197 for so long and it was so easy to get back up over 200 when I essentially gave up for a bit. So now I have that resolve to blow past the 190's! I crave 180's right now! So that 0.2 to get below 200 means nothing right now...it's the 10 I'm concentrating on to get into the 180's!!! Now that's a goal! 10 at a time baby 10 at a time! Don't think too far ahead or it will overwhelm you...it sure did me!

As for being rushed this morning. I woke up in good time and snoozed my alarm and said to myself okay time to get up to work out...but the window was open and it was raining out and the sound of the rain on the pool cover in perfect little pitter patters put me out like a light so when the alarm went off again it shocked me that I'd fallen asleep and I had fallen into a deep sleep at that. So I got up and rushed through everything...and then Becca (who was up way too late last night) had a slight melt down this morning and the rushing didn't help that either. She did her Wii Fit (shocking we were doing that every day and she went on and it said we hadn't been on it in 25 days...I'm going to do mine tomorrow AM before Jillian's workout). After the Wii fit she seemed more awake and her usual self.

Off to have another balanced day :)

Keep strong Amigo's it will get better! Remember asking for help is key.

I asked Kevin to help me (and I promised I would actually let him help instead of asking and then ignoring him) and so far so good! Ultimately it's up to me but a little help on the sidelines never hurts either.

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (super long one)

Yup I'm mad. Mad at myself and mad at my F&*KING scale!!!! HOW DARE IT BE UP 5 FLIPPING POUNDS!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!! okay got it out.

I'm just so pissed off right now. I know I haven't been bang on with eating and exercise, etc. But it was a busy active weekend and I am up! I'm over 200 again!!!! Can you believe it. It took so long to go from 202 to 197 and now I'm up again. I know I got below 200 and was in heaven and plateaued...not from trying and it not happening but from me phoning it in a bit...and that's why I'm mad! I did this! No one else. Not some strange invisible force!!! ME!!!! I got below 200 and decided I can eat what I want and be lazy and it'll be fine but it's not!!!!! Sometimes I feel like the Gabriel Method just doesn't cut it. and sometimes I think like it's the answer! All I know now is that I need to eat smarter and start some formal exercise because every day chores just aren't cutting it! Yes they are active chores with gardening, etc but they just aren't enough.

I need to focus and I've done this so many times that it's just disheartening! So here's the plan starting this minute!!!

1. Water
2. Exercise (EARLY MORNING)
3. Walk on lunches
4. Family Fitness (bike rides, walks, tag, badminton, tennis, etc)
5. EAT HEALTHY!

I feel rotten! I just wish I could snap my fingers and be at goal and know how to stay there. Can't someone just hypnotize me into wanting to eat well and make me think I don't like junk food?! I just wish I could see junk food and feel like it's no good that it would make me feel sick to see it so I wouldn't want it. I don't want to like it! I don't want to eat it...and yet I do it! Why can't I stop?! I just want to be able to live.

You know I baked this weekend. My neices were over and we decided to make pineapple upside down cake and chocolate chip/peanut butter chip cookies. But it made me think of all the times I baked with my mom when I was little and how I don't do that with Becca. We don't have that mother daughter time where you learn about baking and all that girly stuff just by simply sharing that time with your mom. And then I think that all this stuff I'm doing trying to lose weight and just not getting there is ruining her childhood. I feel like I'm waiting to live my life when I'm at goal and not living now.

I think the weight loss program I'm on right now just doesn't fit into my life. I want it to but I don't think it works for us right now. Unless I eat something different from the rest of my family it's just not going to work. I will try for another 2 weeks. I figure right now at rock bottom I've gotta focus and being here helps me focus somehow. So I'll give it 2 more weeks in this focused state. If by then I'm still hovering and not seeing good progress then I'm going to have to change things up. The battle isn't over for me but it will have to change if I can't get it going again!

I know this entry is all over the place it's just me trying to get my head on straight. I will get through this...just feeling a little low right now. By talking through it I get to vent and get my frustrations out and then it helps me to see the light a little if that makes sense. Usually by the end of writing these I feel more focused and can tackle the thing that's bothering me. Right now...I know I can tackle it and I want to but at the same time I feel so close to that edge of giving up. I can happy while I'm fat as long as I don't go clothes shopping or see pictures of myself or look in the mirror. LOL.

I think I need to think about the reasons for me to lose weight maybe that will help...I thought my entry was done but apparently it's not LOL sorry guys

REASONS TO LOSE WEIGHT
1. good example to Becca
2. be able to keep up with Becca and Kevin
3. self confidence
4. be healthy
5. love myself
6. be around for a long long time
7. I don't want vericose veins worse than they are
8. shopping in normal stores
9. to be able to run and not feel like I'm going to pass out after 20 seconds
10. like how I look
11. FEEL GOOD

I'm sure there's more but that's my attempt for now.

gardening

If you ever want a full body work out just plant a garden! phew! I gardened for 2 hours last night and this morning my legs are sooooo sore. But in a good way of course. I can feel my quads, my abs, my arms. It's nice to work all the muscles!

I did however sabotage myself last night at about 10pm or so...chips and maltesers. Not alot of either but tack that on to my pita for dinner and that's a lot of sodium!!! so I was up 2 lbs this morning. Drinking my lakes of water and trying to flush my system before I weigh in tonight. No excuses just bad judgement on my part.

Tonight the plan is to work on cleaning out the mess of a garage we have. It's not the normal messy it's the packed to the brim need to clean it out from the winter messy. Normally we would have done it by now but life's been crazy. We have to do it this week as Kevin's uncle is coming by to fix our hose bibs this weekend. They are leaking where they come out of the house. When we use the one in the backyard the bucket under it collecting the water so it doesn't go into the house fills faster than the water coming out of the end of the hose. The one for the front of the house is in the garage at the very back so we have to clean it out to get to it properly and also so his uncle doesn't think we are complete slobs LOL.

It's getting cleaned out and hopefully sometime Saturday in the morning (first thing) we can take a couple of trips to the dump. So much to go...remember how we renovated our powder room...yup it all went into the garage. We were going to get my dad to come out with his trailer but he was busy and then we were busy but now we have a new van and can take all the stuff ourselves :) So tonight is sorting and piling and Saturday will be removal.

I'm looking forward to doing it...not just to clean out the garage but to use this as my workout. Loads of lifting, etc.

two active days and another planned

Well the last two days have been very active. Monday night was baseball night...it was a blast...I made it to 3rd base this time...not that I got a triple but I got a hit and it was a good one for me...landed just outside the diamond in the field (just) between rover and left fielder...too far for 3rd and 2nd to get it and too short for the fielders to get to it fast...so I made it to first just before the ball did :) Then the next two people got base hits and then the next person got out and that was it for the inning. So close to getting home...oh and when I got to first that time I also brought someone home...so that felt great too. First time up to bat I struck out, 2nd was the lengthy explanation above and third time I popped it up and it was caught. I was also very active in the field. I made sure to run alot to get as much exercise as I could.

Then yesterday we were outside until 10pm working on getting that darn pool up. We had it up but had to move it last weekend because the ground wasn't level enough. So we had two yards of dirt delivered...and last night I moved 1.5 yards of it. I shovelled into the wheelbarrow, moved it, dumped it, and raked it out while Kevin tampered it down...trust me I got the good deal. Our friend had a home made tamper and it was heeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaavy!!! I tried but it was too much for me. Then once we were happy with how level it was we moved the pool back. It wasn't that simple...first Kevin's arms were 8 feet long from all the tampering (his term not mine LOL) then we had to take the legs down from the pool and empty out the water...the drain was too slow and we didn't have anything to syphon with so we grabbed a bucket and bailed some (no we didn't put the water in there...mother nature did a few days in week)...once we drained for the most part we then dragged that sucker back (cursing I might add as the little itty bit of water still made it drag to one side and made it heavier. Then we got it up with the mosquitoes attacking us and with no light left. We finished with it almost in the right spot but no energy and no light left (we worked almost an hour in the dark before I threw in the towel).

Then I realized I forgot to eat dinner...seriously doesn't happen to me. But it was a very busy night...picked up Becca's friend and took them to dance then went to the grocery store for a few things, picked up the girls dropped her friend off at home, got Becca ready for bed and started on the pool outside. When we went in I felt so nauseous. I didn't realize I had worked that hard but my legs were killing me and with the lack of food I was feeling it. In fact I'm not feeling the best this morning either. I'm at work though so suck it up buttercup right?! LOL.

Today after work I'm going to plant some more veggies in my garden up north...it's raining today and isn't really supposed to let up but I don't care...rain or no rain those guys are getting planted this evening. I have pumpkins, cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers, and marigolds for around the garden to keep the bugs away. Plus I'll weed the garden a bit and thin out the carrots if they are ready for that. I haven't seen it in a few weeks so I'm sure they are getting to that point.

Ready for another busy active evening...every time I garden I feel it in my legs from bending over I'm sure. But that's good that means my legs are working and that can only tighten them up which is what I want!!!! My legs are my worst feature so doing things that make them hurt is good!

fresh week...another long one...but are you really that surprised LOL

so I lost my journal LOL...not sure what happened to it...I'm sure it's at home somewhere or maybe I left it at the weigh in centre...hmmm. I took the weekend off so to say...I know I just said that I would journal with all my meals...but this weekend was THE exception.

Friday we met up with Lisa and Greg and went out for dinner and then to the Jays game (we beat the Yankees 6-1 yeah baby). We had a blast thanks to a couple of Yankee's fans in front of us that were the best and their puppet oh and the really drunk guy behind us...he was hilarious. They were shouting to A-Rod...calling him A-Roid and instead of Let's go Blue Jays they did it in the same song but You do steroids...it was awful but sooo funny all at the same time. You gotta feel bad for the guy being heckled so loudly!!! One person would say A-Rod...and the whole section would shout...you suck!! It really was bad but made for an excellent rowdy fun game all the same. So I had an $8 slushy vodka drink at the game...quite yummy...but I now know I have to stay away from alcohol all together...I thought it was just wine but my lovely Vodka game me a tummy ache through out the night as well...oh well there are worse things...I don't drink that often anyway so I don't really feel like I'm missing out on anything...now say the same for chocolate and I would cry :) Oh and then we went out dancing at Crocodile Rock (where we saw a 20 something ...maybe early 30's pick up a I'd say at minimum 57 and that's being nice woman...they started making out and everything...it was rather disturbing). I mean good for her but it was like watching my friend make out with my grandma. That was interesting to say the least...oh and I got hit in the head 3 times by people dancing on the ledge behind us. But it was a blast!

Saturday we had well brunch at a greasy spoon...it was okay but eggs on an upset tummy aren't the best for me. We walked along Queen Street...poor Lisa her foot was bugging her so much. Then we went home...we picked up Becca and honestly we went home and sat on the couch...I was so tired...I don't stay up that late anymore very often and when I do I'm a right off! I had such a headache I went to bed at 9pm...Becca was in bed but still awake LOL.

Yesterday was Becca's dance recital so it was busy busy busy. We of course went out for dinner as the shows were at 1pm and 6pm and so we ended up going to a restaurant for dinner to pass the time.

So I'm up today but I'm drinking my water and I'm determined to feed my body the nutritional food it needs. SO far today I've had yogurt with strawberries and oatmeal..mmmmmm. For lunch I have an Asian salad that I can't wait for...and another yogurt. I didn't bring near enough snacks so I will have to run out I guess to get a couple of things...but I really don't want to as I don't want to cave on the chocolate LOL.

Also I wrote on a scrap piece of paper for my journal until I can find it.

Okay that's all for now...baseball tonight...that's my activity for today :)

plan

Well I've made a plan to journal with each meal as I eat as opposed to trying to remember a couple of days later. And I'm going to my weight loss centre to see if I can weigh in every day again like when I first started. I'm supposed to go Mon, Wed, Fri each week...but I think I need that accountability of stepping on that scale each day...it'll make me think about what I'm putting in my mouth instead of thinking I have a day or two to work it off. Cause let's be honest I don't work it off and then I have to hope to maintain but then I'm not losing am I?! So that's my plan...stay on track by journal and weighing in every day that I can. 7:00 baseball games mean no weigh in that night...but otherwise I am going every day (well Sunday they are closed). I will find a way to squeeze it into my day every day!!!

I'm ready to shed this fat suit once and for all!!!

Journal time

Well it's been a bit since I wrote again...had a very active weekend but my eating was off. I ate hot dogs and burgers and movie popcorn and chips...definitely not a focused weekend. But I don't feel bad about it surprisingly. I was so active that had I eaten well the weight likely would have fallen off but I maintained...well it was up down up down but in the end a maintain I'd say. I'm sure with focused effort today it'll be down a bit.

With that said I don't want to maintain...not that it's a bad thing but I really want to drop more weight. It will happen over time and we are being much less lazy these days. We've been super active getting loads done around the house...things we've wanted to do but just didn't have the energy last year to do. We both dropped 20 and more for him and now we are ready to tackle the things around the house. yay!

Well I'm back to journalling my food with each meal...I decided that this morning. I went to journal and I hadn't done it since Friday and was trying to remember all the stuff I ate to update it. It wasn't so easy LOL. So I will stay on track better if I journal with each meal...then I see what I'm missing as I go as well. The whole weekend I didn't get my fruits and veggies in the way I should have. Had I journalled with each meal I would have planned more salad's and fruits with my meals...see how it works :)

3 more sleeps until I see Lisa yay!!!! Let's go Blue Jays!!!! Just have to figure out when we are meeting up.