Yup I'm mad. Mad at myself and mad at my F&*KING scale!!!! HOW DARE IT BE UP 5 FLIPPING POUNDS!!!!! WTF!!!!!!!! okay got it out.
I'm just so pissed off right now. I know I haven't been bang on with eating and exercise, etc. But it was a busy active weekend and I am up! I'm over 200 again!!!! Can you believe it. It took so long to go from 202 to 197 and now I'm up again. I know I got below 200 and was in heaven and plateaued...not from trying and it not happening but from me phoning it in a bit...and that's why I'm mad! I did this! No one else. Not some strange invisible force!!! ME!!!! I got below 200 and decided I can eat what I want and be lazy and it'll be fine but it's not!!!!! Sometimes I feel like the Gabriel Method just doesn't cut it. and sometimes I think like it's the answer! All I know now is that I need to eat smarter and start some formal exercise because every day chores just aren't cutting it! Yes they are active chores with gardening, etc but they just aren't enough.
I need to focus and I've done this so many times that it's just disheartening! So here's the plan starting this minute!!!
1. Water
2. Exercise (EARLY MORNING)
3. Walk on lunches
4. Family Fitness (bike rides, walks, tag, badminton, tennis, etc)
5. EAT HEALTHY!
I feel rotten! I just wish I could snap my fingers and be at goal and know how to stay there. Can't someone just hypnotize me into wanting to eat well and make me think I don't like junk food?! I just wish I could see junk food and feel like it's no good that it would make me feel sick to see it so I wouldn't want it. I don't want to like it! I don't want to eat it...and yet I do it! Why can't I stop?! I just want to be able to live.
You know I baked this weekend. My neices were over and we decided to make pineapple upside down cake and chocolate chip/peanut butter chip cookies. But it made me think of all the times I baked with my mom when I was little and how I don't do that with Becca. We don't have that mother daughter time where you learn about baking and all that girly stuff just by simply sharing that time with your mom. And then I think that all this stuff I'm doing trying to lose weight and just not getting there is ruining her childhood. I feel like I'm waiting to live my life when I'm at goal and not living now.
I think the weight loss program I'm on right now just doesn't fit into my life. I want it to but I don't think it works for us right now. Unless I eat something different from the rest of my family it's just not going to work. I will try for another 2 weeks. I figure right now at rock bottom I've gotta focus and being here helps me focus somehow. So I'll give it 2 more weeks in this focused state. If by then I'm still hovering and not seeing good progress then I'm going to have to change things up. The battle isn't over for me but it will have to change if I can't get it going again!
I know this entry is all over the place it's just me trying to get my head on straight. I will get through this...just feeling a little low right now. By talking through it I get to vent and get my frustrations out and then it helps me to see the light a little if that makes sense. Usually by the end of writing these I feel more focused and can tackle the thing that's bothering me. Right now...I know I can tackle it and I want to but at the same time I feel so close to that edge of giving up. I can happy while I'm fat as long as I don't go clothes shopping or see pictures of myself or look in the mirror. LOL.
I think I need to think about the reasons for me to lose weight maybe that will help...I thought my entry was done but apparently it's not LOL sorry guys
REASONS TO LOSE WEIGHT
1. good example to Becca
2. be able to keep up with Becca and Kevin
3. self confidence
4. be healthy
5. love myself
6. be around for a long long time
7. I don't want vericose veins worse than they are
8. shopping in normal stores
9. to be able to run and not feel like I'm going to pass out after 20 seconds
10. like how I look
11. FEEL GOOD
I'm sure there's more but that's my attempt for now.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Oh sweety! I totally feel your pain! I'm there with you! I feel like your entry was mee talking! I've gone from 160-190! It sickens me! But for some strange reason I can't stop! I wish I had the answers for you darling....but I don't1 I'm silently struggling right along side of you! You're doing WAY more than me right now! I'm seriously screwing this up HUGE!!!! I've been telling myself after the July 1st long weekend it's time to get real! Cuz then I"m only working one job, and there's no excuses! Will it happen? Who knows...I've told myself that before! We need to get together for some ice cream so we can vent and maybe come up with some sort of a plan woman! xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteI worked out this morning! I still ended up eating crap last night but today is a new day. I'm down 0.6 from yesterday still over 200 but at least I can work it down even if it is slowly.
ReplyDeleteIt's cool to wait until July 1st when life will slow a little for you...just don't go over board now or you'll have much more to lose later you know. Still try to keep it in check a bit. For me I'm not eating bad all the time I eat good meals but then I make bad snacking choices!!!! Although the weekends tend to be bad everything. THen I try to get on course for the week...that system does not work at all!!!
I got your text last night but my phone died (battery was empty...it's charging now).
How about frozen yogurt ;) or a skinny cow.
I know for you and your schedule to make this work you will have to book an appointment for yourself everyday. No matter what block an hour or two off in the day (doesn't have to be all at once) say 1 hour for exercise and another hour to plan your meals for the next day and prep them. You will be working from home and visiting people I know but you can block time for you! You have to do that...working for yourself makes it so easy to work late hours and forget the time for yourself in the evenings...so block 2 hours sometime during the day to do what you need. Keep it the same times every day and DON'T DEVIATE! Trust me it works.
Hey ladies, I'm still here, reading in the shadows. Life has gotten extremely complicated for me right now. Stomach is a burning pit, back is on fire. I'm not even worried about weight loss, just trying not to throw up after every meal.
ReplyDeleteEnough about my troubles.
I will be here for you two as you're struggling. I promise. And soon, it will all fit right for you. It WILL work out. You just have to stop worrying and being obsessed about it. Eat what feels right for you. Move in a way that makes you energized. And get out of your brain about it.
Love you both
Sorry for being MIA