bingefest

Okay. On a new resolve for the whole weight loss thing. Yesterday I had chocolate and peanuts after…but I had 3 things of chocolate (reese pieces, kit kat chunky, maltesers…small bag yay for me) and then the honey roasted peanuts. I binged completely. But I thought about it this morning…I think I needed that complete binge…I was eating more and more at night…I was having more and more little snacks here and there and not feeling bad about it which was not good. This time I ate so much I felt sick to the point I couldn’t eat dinner…I made myself have some toast last night.

This morning I woke up and thought I’d be starving as I hadn’t had dinner except for toast but I wasn't hungry and I still felt sick. Just overly full…the thought of junk right now is turning my stomach. So I had some Shredded Wheat and some strawberries and it was awesome. I’m craving healthy food today…which I don’t know that that’s ever happened before. So this is good.

I think I needed to binge to get it out of my system rather than saying I was okay and eating junk here and there in hiding…now I don’t want it…not even a little bit. This is where I needed to be…not rock bottom but past the point of wanting junk…don’t know if that made sense to you or not. I was having more popcorn at night and then two days of chips…not good not a good path at all. I was having the bad stuff...more than was good for me but not so much that I was sick of it or feeling guilty...I was trying to justify it. I was trying to convince myself that I was gaining weight again because of silly things...not that I was sabotaging myself like Daris on BL (funny that it happened to me the same day that they showed that eh Pitbull LOL). I had come to that conclusion before they aired that episode but I hadn't said it out loud...so I am now. I'm gaining weight because I'm eating shit and not eating the things my body needs!!!!

Today I had a healthy breakfast…I have more strawberries and an orange and I’m determined to eat on plan today. My friend who's on maternity leave is meeting a bunch of us for lunch today…I totally forgot last night when I said I’d take a salad for lunch. We are going to Pita palace…so I’m going to have grilled chicken and lettuce with practically no dressing and NO CHEESE especially no FETA! On a whole wheat wrap…I’ve planned it out. Then I’ll come back and have my strawberries and yogurt. Or maybe I’ll have the yogurt before I go so I don’t overeat…and then have strawberries when I get back to my desk. I’m determined to do this!!! It’s all my choices not anyone else’s. I choose my own path! I could not go for lunch and go on my walk but then I'm avoiding and not facing things. I want to face it and conquer it!!! I know it's not a once and for all thing because I will have to make these tough choices everyday...but I WANT to do it today...to prove it to myself. I feel strong today. Crap I haven't had any water and wanted have had a litre by now...better get crackin'!!!