inspirational quote

A collegue of mine at work sent me an email today about a deer that fits in the hands of a man...it was delivered by c-section when the mom was hit by a car and when they couldn't save the mom they delivered the baby. It seriously made me cry at my desk. There was a quote at the end that really spoke to me.

'Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.'

I guess I haven't been coping with it so much in the last little while when you look at my middle of the night post from last night. I will deal with things as they come from now on. No more worrying about the future I can't control the future...what happens, happens. I need to deal with things as they happen rather than just hiding my feelings.

That means making a decision for myself rather than letting other people do it for me (Kev will be happy for dinner choices LOL...he always gets so frustrated when we try to figure out dinner it's always what do you want I don't know what do you want LOL...I can't promise I won't do that still but I will be better and not do it so often LOL).

BTW I slept like a baby after spilling my emotions out last night!!!! That's the first time I've been brutally honest with myself let alone share it. Although I see this not so much as sharing but a place for me to make sense of things for myself.

Emotionally today I'm a mess...but in a good way if that makes sense. I'm crying at the drop of a hat but more like in a healing way than a pity party. Just sweet things were setting me off like that email...and I feel fragile but I'm not hiding anymore and maybe that's why...more like I'm exposed. People normally just see happy Pam at work with the odd moment of stress Pam peaking through...this is bare, raw, open me! (don't be a perv Kev) not that I'm not that happy Pam for the most part...but I'm one of those people that tries not to cry at Becca's recitals or school plays because I always saw crying as weakness. I cry when I get angry and it's very frustrating because I can't get across what I'm intending and end up looking weak...so I end up not crying for the things I should like that video yesterday or Becca's recitals and end up crying when I'm mad or frustrated...maybe if I cry more about those videos and happy things I won't cry so much when I'm mad and will actually be able to say what I need to LOL. Who knows...all I know is that the mask is off and the real me is out there to live in the real world!!!! No more hiding!