Well I clearly have got to be more focused on healthy choices. I'm getting the activity in but my food choices are still terrible. I'm like a kid on hallowe'en night dying to rip into all the goodies...I just can't get enough and then I feel sick after I've eaten such crap. And I'm being delusional thinking I'm doing okay...I'm so out of control. Both of us are really.
Yesterday Kevin and I went to a park and did a little coaching session for my first softball game tonight!!! EEEEK! And Saturday I went to the local highschool and walked/ran the track for 30 minutes. Did about 2km but can only run about 100 metres at a time and then it takes more than 100 metres to catch my breath...hmmm 5 weeks until the 5K gotta get going on that. Sadly I noticed something Saturday and then again on Sunday...my weight has finally affected me! I know weird right. I've been overweight so long but I've managed fine...sure I can't run and play with Becca so easily but I've always made it work. Saturday my weight directly affected what I could do on the track and again yesterday at the park. I have Varicose Veins in my left leg. I've always just thought of them as veins close to the skin but in the last little while they've become more prominent as my weight went up. Now that I'm getting active they are starting to ache..well more than ache they actually hurt. At first I thought I was getting a shin splint again (as I've had those before) but then I noticed it was just the one leg and it was only hurting EXACTLY where my veins were visible...and they are starting to be raised!!!!! It runs in my family but I really had hoped it wouldn't come to this!!!
The catch 22 is this...to make the veins better I need to lose weight...to lose weight I need to exercise...but exercise hurts the veins!!!! I know I have to suck it up buttercup and just deal with it...but I'm just so frustrated and mad at myself for letting things get so out of control for so long!!!! To quote Cher....if I could turn back time!!!!! *sigh* okay enough of the pity party. Time to kick things up a notch...here's the plan (I always do better with a plan :) )
1. Journalling starts again today...been a little lazy with that and not just what I'm supposed to eat but everything that goes in my mouth gets written down...if I have a chocolate bar I'm writing it down...I'm lying to me when I don't!
2. Enjoy Baseball every Monday
3. Start P90X that helped me stay on track really well
4. DRINK MY WATER!!!!!
5. cut out soda even diet
6. Live lactose free and see if that helps me again...I'll miss you cheese :(
7. Blog each day to keep myself on track
8. Be honest and kind to myself
9. Continue Gabriel Method
I CAN DO THIS I CAN DO THIS I CAN DO THIS I CAN DO THIS...for me!
YOU CAN DO THIS, YOU CAN DO THIS, YOU CAN DO THIS!
ReplyDeleteI have Zero doubt.
Question...why didn't you text when you were having a rough day? I know I didn't text Sunday because I was having a rough day. Didn't get very much sleep...wound up and layed away until 4 am. That throws me off BIG TIME. But, I would've been there for you...you have to reach out sometimes, girlie.
SO, I LOVE your goal list.
I'm totally on board with them all, except the cheese, I'm still going to eat it because I have a love affair with it, ha...even tho it doesn't love me as much. I find when I go gluten-free/sugar-free I feel so much better and the dairy doesn't affect me as much.
So, have you looked into getting those veins lazer removed, or whatever they do at the varocose vein clinics? You should seriously go to your doctor, tell him they are bothering you and get referred to a vein specialist. Maybe they can fix that problem so you can get on with your life. I know how suckfest-ish it is when you're trying so hard and you hurt.
Proud of you lady. Keep on the great work, and remember, when you struggle...reach out. You never know, you might just help someone who could use it too. :0)
XO
yeah, that should've read 'laid awake' not layed away...what is this Zellers, haha...uh, yeah. I should proof before I post. Duh.
ReplyDeleteHey chicky!!! What happened to 3 Amigos!!! I agree with Spitz...reach out woman! We all struggle, and sometimes knowing that you're helping someone else can help pull you out of a slump! I'm trying to get back on track too! My nemessis has been alcohol lately! Can't seem to sober up since my vacation! Crazy cuz it has NEVER been a problem before! So I've vowed that NO MORE!!!! Only on occassions...like the Buck and Doe...then the wedding...then Vegas...and then only in moderation! I don't need to drink cuz it's the weekend...or cuz we have company over!!! Let's do this thing together...GIRL POWER!!! Love you...and definately want to be there for you...both of you! xoxo
ReplyDeletethanks guys...not sure why I didn't reach out...maybe I didn't want the help I don't know. Still figuring it out...the list is helping but I still find that I want to eat crap *sigh* I did better yesterday. If you're texting me today my dog is at home listening to my phone chirp away...forgot it today oops.
ReplyDeleteFunny you guys mentioned asking for help...Kevin was just saying the same thing to me that he's upset I'm not asking him for help...and for that I apologize to all of you...you're right we are in this together.
Oh and I don't think it's my veins...yes they are ugly and close to the skin but I realized last night as I pressed in on my leg that it's below them as well on the bone...then it dawned on me that I took a baseball off the shin last week while practicing with Kevin. Yes it was just catch but he throws pretty hard and so I think it might just be a deep bruise...just weird that I only started feeling it this Saturday.
Okay so new thing to add to the list...ask for help when I need it.
OH and speaking of help and working at things...why aren't you girls blogging?!?!?!
ReplyDeleteha. busted!
ReplyDeleteWorking on the blogging...I've tried like 2 times and got side tracked with kids...then the window passes...gah.